Go Back to the Fucking Shire.
It’s been quite some time since I’ve been on here, and since all my hipster ass friends are all about Tumblin and shit, I’m getting back on this pony.
The other night I had an interaction with a young lady that I still can’t decide if I feel bad about. I probably kind of do, but oh well, shit happens when you’re going hard in the paint. So I’m outside at my friend’s birthday celebration just gettin’ my drank and smoke on when this chick comes up to me and drops the “you be lookin’ like dat fool Jake Gyllenhaal” reference. Usually it comes as like a compliment and I’m all flattered cause my binge drinking and heavy pot smoking has me looking a little more rough for the ware lately.
Instead of just telling me I kinda looked like him, though, she said, “Aren’t you supposed to look like him?” That to me was the worst way possible to word that statement though and my brain split to angry me. Oh well.
Being drunk is never an excuse for your actions, but it can be a clue to why you did the things you did. My brain responded before any train of real conscious thought occured.
Thinking before you speak is usually overrated, anyway. “The Troof Shall Set Yo Ass Free” - Jesus
I guess my Lord of the Rings lovin’ ass noticed her short stature and weird bowl cut hair, so I just said “Aren’t you not supposed to look like Bilbo Baggins?”
She slapped the shit out of me at this point. No stress. It happens. One of the dangers of the lifestyle I guess. My bro Alcohol stepped in and backed me up by making sure I already couldn’t feel my face, so I just laughed and kept yelling “Bitch wouldn’t be mad if da bitch didn’t know it was true.”
I ain’t mad at it though, but just watch the way you word your compliments/sentences/statements/questions around drunk me cause my asshole filter is completely off when I’m schwasty.
Oh and Bilbo, if you read this and you really were just complimenting me, holla at ya boy. I’ll apologize to you and give you forehead kisses. I know the ladies always feelin’ that kinda stuff. I’m into fantasy role playing and BDSM so if you let me be Gandalf and you act like Bilbo, we could probably get into some hella freaky stuff.