A Short Motivational Story About Losing Your Pants
There are some mornings in college when you wake up and the last thing you want to do is go to class. Then there are the mornings when you wake up and you’re in a field in just your underwear and you don’t have the slightest clue how you got there. Most of my mornings seem to fall into the latter category.
One of my first college parties ended up exactly as you imagined, with me in a field without pants. Of course, I didn’t see it going there because the night started with such great intentions. Two of my friends were in town visiting and I needed to show them a good time. We’d heard about a kegger going on tonight but I still had a backup plan in a guitar case. Not the kind of backup plan that revolves around playing great Wonderwall covers on your sweet acoustic guitar while everyone is sitting around thinking “Is this fucker serious?” I only use my instrument cases to hold booze. I filled the guitar case with Natty Light because that’s what a classy guy like me uses things like that for. A guitar case full of Natural Light is ready for to be snuck in to any dorm meaning it’s a party on the go even when that overweight friendless RM with nothing better to do on a Saturday than to bust me.
Luckily, the keg party was going to happen so I just brought the extra Natty along for the ride. Backup beer is always a good thing because kegs seem to run out much quicker than you’d think. I could go on for days talking about sweet cliche things that went down at this party but if i throw in the words delicious Yuengling keg, keg stand, beer pong, and hookups it gets the point accross just as well. Plus that isn’t the subject of this story. All I really remember after getting there is being shittanked.
The next moments where clarity comes back were in the middle of a field. I stood up from where I was laying and looked around for any sign of where my pants may have been. There were a few apartments and a church near me and I spent the next hour looking in every place I could think of with a heavy buzz still in control of my head. No luck with the pants but I did get the guitar case back. After giving up on that, I realized to get back to my dorm, I had a long walk directly across campus on a Sunday morning. Just me in my boxer briefs with a guitar case. The looks I got were probably priceless, but I did my best to just keep walking.
On arriving back to the dorm, I figured it wouldn’t be that hard to get back in, but the security at our school didn’t like that idea. Without my ID card, they would under no circumstances let me back in unless another student could sign me in. No college student is ever up this early on a Sunday, though. I sat in the lobby almost completely naked with the security for a good 30 to 40 minutes. After finally being let in, I made my way upstairs and found one of the friends I had lost at some point the night before.
“What the fuck happened Dan?”
“HAHAHAHAHAH….where should I even start dude? You kept drinking until you were retardo drunk and then proceeded to try and show people your dick.”
Sound like me so far.
“…Then you kissed some dude, then I’m pretty sure we kissed. Then you blacked out and wet that kids bed. Then I’m pretty sure you ran out of the house screaming in the middle of the night and hid your pants and shirt somewhere. I lost you after that man. I’m pretty sure we won at beer pong though so that’s pretty sweet. Hey, have you seen my phone though?”
Needless to say, I never went back to the house where that party occurred. Never found my pants, or wallet, or shirt, or dignity. I consider it my initiation into college life and can look back on it laughing now.
Moral of the story: Drink as much as you fucking can when the booze is free but remember to let someone else be the dude who drinks so much that he loses his pants and wakes up in a field.